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WHAT????

I teach a dual-enrollment class in the middle of the day.  Seniors that come and go during the day.

One of my quietest, sweetest, best young men came in late today.   I did not really think too much about it.  Gonna live to regret not looking real soon though.  I am up trying to answer questions and explain a concept to the other 15 seniors in the room.

I see M’s hand go in the air.  Without pausing I motion him to ask his question.

M: “Ms. B? Is it okay if I drop my pants?”

I pause (I bet my face was a study in confusion, painted in shades of consternation)   I think everyone in the room inhaled at once.  I am frozen in place.

Me:  “Um… What?”

M:  “Is it okay if I drop my pants?” Good Lord, that is what he said.

Me: “Uh”  (entire room: uh?)

M:  “I have on athletic shorts.  I need to ice my knee.”

Me:  “I believe I would have led with that Mac.  You should have started the conversation with that.  Yes.”

That just happened…

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Apples really do NOT fall far from trees

If I did not have  a camera in my classroom, I might imagine that I had the following conversation with a PARENT on Friday.

Parent:  “What is seems to be his issue?”

Me:  “As you can see, he can not add, subtract, multiply or divide with or without a calculator.” (this is a 9th grade student)  He needs help with common math skills.  I think if we (interrupted)

Parent:  “When is he ever going to need this?”  (she looks mad)

Me:  “Um, everyday I think.  This is not an algebra skill or a physical science skill.  You use these in everyday life.”

Parent: “I have a LOT of pull, who do I have to complain to about this common core?” ( i guess she heard the words common math skills)

Me:  “mam, this is just 3rd grade math.  Your child is in the four year college prep program.  I imagine this is beneath the common core.”

Parent “WHO do I have to complain to?”

Me: “Well, I guess first the governor…”
Parent: “HE will not be re-elected.  I have a LOT of stroke.  We will see to this.”

Me: “Well, it is his second term.  He is not running for governor. So, I do not see…”
Parent: “Well, he won’t be re-elected.”  (term limits anyone?)

Me:  “Then I guess you could complain to the Gates foundation and President Obama.”
Parent:  “We will be protesting.  He will not be re-elected either.”

Me: “Ma’am.  He is a two term president.  He is not running. ”

Parent “it will be his last.  We will see to that.”

I just let this one go.  Apples and trees

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“We adopted the spawn of satan”

Maggie (the Boston Terrier) has now destroyed another Bible.  This time an older Amplified Holy Bible, but still.  My daughter was worried after the second one.  So she told her dad.  Her dad informed her that the dog would be taking a “holy crap.”

I arrived home hours later and found the explosion behind a chair.  Holy Crap!

My daughter (looking downright worried) asked me if I thought the explosion was due to it being a bible.  I informed her that I thought it was the glue that did not agree with the dog’s tummy…not the word of God.   I said yes it was a big ole mess, but the glue was to blame.   Without a hint of a smile, sounding worried she said “But mom, it was Amplified.”

Yes, it was.

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the Legend of Red Paw

Years ago my daughter owned the most cantankerous Boston Terrier ever born.  Lainie-Bug was the apple of her eye.  The dog could do no wrong.  I came in from school one day and thought there had been a massacre in my home.

There was red fluid in the dog beg, on the couch, the floor.  I went into full crime buster mode looking for splatters.   Then we all noticed that the Boston had one red paw.  She stood there sheepishly eyeing me.  I asked “What did you do?”  Obviously she made no reply.  Then I found a weapon…a red ink pen.  The legend of Red Paw was born.  Anytime something went sideways we searched the dog.

I was reminded of this yesterday.  The newest member of our household (also a Boston) stuck her nose in the green paint I was working with.  I yelled at my daughter to keep “Kermit the Dog” up front and let me work.  But no, this was not to be.  I had a dog helping me ever step.  That animal wiggled between me and the can.  She wiggled between me and the wall.  In short, where ever I needed space there was a dog.

Then I noticed this morning that the Dog Has A Green Butt.  The Legend of Green Butt is born.

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my First Day of School 2015

9 hours before the start of school, I discovered my ex-ex-ex had been seeing his “friend” for the past year.  Backtrack.

Six years ago my ex told me had no place to go.  He had changed.  He wanted to come home.  Foolishly I allowed this thing.

I paid for everything for 6 years.  I took care of everything.  He had two strokes. I assured him I would care for him.

The mistake is thinking that because you have a heart the size of Texas that the other person does also.

I believe that this school year will be better because I am not dealing with my first (and only) husband.

This morning I missed him because I saw something on the news that I knew would stir him up.  I missed him so bad that I ran outside and THREW $400 worth of twenties over the fence.

This is not bitter, this is relief.   I am laughing.  BTW, I went and gathered up the money.  I may want to buy ME something.

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Waht the Teacher Learned This Week

My 80 year old mother wanted her bedroom painted and decorated.  I thought we could hire the guy in the community that does rooms.  But no… My mom wanted me to do it.

One day of taping off and prepping.  One day of cutting in around trim molding, outlets, and switches.  Then one day to complete the painting.  Ten thousand bruises, one pulped finger, and sore muscles created the oasis of mom’s dream.

What I learned:  If you want it done right (with a minimum of trouble)  you should hire a professional.  Then I thought about the failed painters, lawyers, would-be engineers that are fielding the TFA movement.  If you want it done right  you should hire a teacher.   You get what you pay for.  Next time I will hire her a decorator and a painter.

On a side note, I also learned that when you get a new Boston Terrier and the breeder says “she is docile” you SHOULD NOT LISTEN!  Evidently the breeder had drugged the dog prior to my arrival.  In four days that dog has terrorized the Shih Tzu and the short evil dog that live here.  She has taken all the toys and placed them in her bed.  She has chewed into me, my books, and everything at puppy level.     I Think I Am In Love…

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“I am that much of a gentleman…

lunchtime each and everyday I meet with the Sci-fi club in the library.  It is both sanctuary and confessional for the Herd.

JP and his best friend SP are rivals in everything.  If he scores one point higher in any academic subject – fights on.  JP criticizes her clothing, her make-up, her total look.  I asked him once if there was anything between them “No, my mom says I am going to marry MS (another herd member).  I don’t feel that way about SP.  SP loves the Ginger-Ninja.”

Friday of the last school week, JP tells SP her outfit is too suggestive.  I intervene to keep SP from beating him into the ground.  “Ok, you two are seniors.  Act like it.”

JP:  “We are, her outfit is too suggestive.”

Me: “Why?  She is covered with long sleeves, jeans, and a shrug over that.”

JP:  “the ‘shrug’ or cocoon is split in the back and emphasizes her butt.”

Me:  “Quit looking”   This should have ended the convo.  But no, SP has decided to take him to school.

SP: “Stupid,   You are not supposed to look.”

JP:  “I look.   We go to the beach, store, school, church, I LOOK.  I am a guy.  I look.  But, I am a gentleman.”

SP:  “We go to the beach and you are a gentleman?”

JP:  “Yes, you women go the beach and 90% of your body is uncovered.”  We all nod. “Well, I am such a gentleman I only look at he 10% or so that is covered.  Gentleman.”

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