The free screening…

A bus came to school a few weeks ago to screen for blockages in any main arteries.   I hopped on the bus thinking “wow…I will show them someone in great shape.  Make them aware how a healthy person functions. “

No.  The tech running the ultrasound stops and goes “you need to see a doctor.  There is a mass on your thyroid.”  Right there, I want to run off the bus.  

But…I go see the doctor.  He sends me to another doctor.  Second doctor sends me for another ultrasound.  Second doctor then says “You need a biopsy.”  BUT…second doctor sends me to get another ultrasound.  When I call the second doctor’s office, his people say “Oh, well maybe the tech can take the biopsy.”  

UM, NO.  So, I call the first doctor and explain what has happened.  He cancels that appointment.  He then schedules a visit with a third doctor.  

Third doctor takes a fine-needle aspiration biopsy.   THEN…says “Huh, how many antacids are you taking in a day???”  Turns out that not everyone takes Nexium and then follows it up with Zantac and Tums for a chaser.  Who knew?

Third doctor then schedules me for a Bravo pH study.  While he is in there poking around he finds a hiatal hernia.  Which explains the pain.  

Darn that bus…and the “free” screening…


ZOMBIE ( Bourne vs. Cook)

I owe J. L. Bourne A HUGE apology.  I read “Shattered Hourglass” a year or so ago and was Totally Underwhelmed.  I mean, the main characters did NOT save the world single-handedly…(is that a word?)

THEN, I read over the past week the “Surviving the Dead” series by James Cook.  O, the two main characters became cartoon-like  in their abilities.   One (a desk jockey) became a cross between James Bond and Chuck Norris.  The former financial analyst becomes so Badass that everyone better be afraid.    The other (Gabe) was almost God-like in his abilities to ‘ghost’ through the woods, appear and kill the bad guys.  He too is so Badass that bad guys should tremble in fear.    Too bad that some of the bad guys seemed almost like Wiley Coyote.  

I gave up on Cook around book four when the U. S. Army could not save all the poor women.  No, the MC had to go in a save those  poor defenseless people.  People that had already survived the zombie apocalypse without any fighting skills whatsoever.  Pa-ha… This is not to say that all the protagonist were straight, white males.  Some of the good guys were of different ethnicities, socio-economic groups, sexes, and sexual orientations.  No, he covered all the politically-correct bases.  You cannot accuse him of not showing diversity.

What you could accuse him of is asshattery of no mean order.   So, J. L. Bourne, please forgive me for not believing MCs could save the world.  It would take an army.  


Somebody promised me a whupping (sorry Will Smith for stealing this line)

Over the past 20 years I have been the recipient of roughly 10+ absolute meltdowns/cussings.  I really do not understand what good parents think this does for the student.  Does not really bother me.  I am about to rant about this topic, so buckle up Buttercup. 

1-  I am trying to help your child.  If I were not trying to help your child…I would do something else with my time.  I try to teach your child just like I did my own two children.  I try to do my best to get them ready for the next step in their lives.  I hope they become great citizens.  I wish for them the best in life.  

2- Taxpayers do pay my salary.  Believe it or not…I made enough money from other endeavors in the last few years to pay my own salary.  It is true I get a paycheck.  But ask yourself “IF someone came into my place of business screaming that they pay my salary, would I think they were a fool?” Well, duh.    Any time you work the ultimate goal is to get paid by a consumer.  Teachers just have a large consumer base. So, LOTS of people pay my salary.  

3- If you promise to whup my ass (true dat), then you probably should have stayed at home.  If you feel compelled to tell me that “I don’t know you…but I don’t like you…”  You probably should have stayed at home.  Threats don’t work with me.  I am still going to do my job with joy.  I will remember you.  I will let other teachers know of what you are capable.  I will pity your child…but I won’t give him/her a grade.

 AND If you “whup my ass” or “Make my life miserable”…well, I will have a whupped ass.  AND you can have the privilege of telling everyone how you whupped an old person with lupus, RA, Chron’s disease…dang, you should just let life whup my ass.  It seems like life is doing your job for you!

4- If you feel compelled to question my parentage, my ethnicity, my understanding…Well, really.  Keep it to yourself.  AND tell your friends to stay of twitter/facebook talking about it.  The more you stir a pile of shit, the worse it stinks.  Yes.  You came to school and threatened me.  I sat there and thought you were an absolute ass.  I also mentally compiled my grocery list.  Then I tuned you out. 

5-Ten or Twenty  years ago, I probably would have been devastated by your comments.  Now?  Not so much.  Thanks for the memory.

6- Finally, to quote (or misquote)  Will Smith in Wild, Wild West… “Somebody promised me a whupping…” 



What were they thinking???

Back at the first of the school year, a young man took two people hostage in St. Joseph, La.  One of those held was Ms. Phyllis W’s son.  Ms. Phyllis is Mr. B’s secretary.  She is a gem.  I have come to love her over the past five years…we all have. 

I don’t want to rehash what was done to her son.  It was difficult to watch it play out.  The evil-doer had practiced going into the bank.  There are pictures of him with an assault rifle in a foreign country.   Police surrounded the building, and both hostages were killed.   It was awful and cost two innocent people their lives.  No, I don’t think it could have ended any other way. 

That is not what has me wound up.  No, the officials had promised that whatever they finally determined would first be told to the families.  I looked up from grading papers Thursday to see the one spokesman on TV announcing that “this was just a case of a deeply troubled young man.  That all law enforcement involved were absolved from any guilt.  That it was a forgone conclusion from the time the young man entered the bank…” 

No, not one official had contacted the families.  Not one word was said. 

Tonight, Ms. Phyllis lies in a hospital bed in Monroe, La after having two heart attacks today.  I am hurt for her and her remaining son.  Stress and confusion in all families involved.  All I need to know is “What were the officials thinking?”  Maybe the time to speak is after you warn the family…that is if you really believe what you are saying…


In which BZ and I have a miracle

(I have a two year old grandson Baby Zac, and a four year old granddaughter Peeperdoo)

In January a very strange thing happened to me and BZ…we had a miracle.  The timeline goes as follows:

1-  8:00 a.m. I am walking to my classroom.  Reverend Roberts (who has never said one thing to me about her beliefs or anything in four years) stops me.  “I feel the need to pray for you today.  Is that ok?”  I nod.  I’m thrilled for anyone to pray for me.  Heck, I’d pray for me also.

2- I drop my phone into the toilet and have to take it apart.  Before I leave the small town I work in, I call my dad on the school phone.  Dad says the bridge is out near the babysitter’s house.  He suggests I go through Crowville and loop east to pick up BZ.  I disagree.  I think it would be better to pick up Peeperdoo first and THEN loop through the graveyard to get to the babysitter’s house.  (pause)   We do it his way.  He is 78 and determined.

3- I loop through Crowville and pick up BZ.  We head west toward the preschool.  I am driving on the four lane with a La State Trooper on my left.  A man in an older model Chevrolet truck (1978?) decides to make it a five lane.  He cuts between me and the trooper.  I slam on my ALBs and try to control the inevitable crash.

4- On my left is an eight foot ditch with a huge metal drain.  In front is the HEAVY truck with the tailgate down and metal in the bed.  To my left?  The state trooper.   I notice a pathway between two signs in front of me.  Now, If i can hop the curb, miss the drain, don’t flip, don’t blink, I can put my small SUV through the signs.  YEP!  Drove it through the signs like they were a set of uprights.  LIKE A BOSS!

5- I immediately jump out, throw up the all clear sign to the state trooper that has spun around in the road.  I remember yelling “Get that SOB.”  I looked into the backseat.  BZ is still in his child safety seat.  Thank GOD!  He is still holding his blue duck and talking to me.  A lady from Baton Rouge stops and waits with me for the State Police. She has a phone and can call my dad and mom to get peeperdoo.

6-The State Police come back and talk to me.  They need to know if I will file a claim.  I ask “What for? I am fine, BZ is fine.”  The Trooper gives me a strange look and checks on BZ.  I am allowed to go.

7-My dad, husband, kids, and others have gone back to look at the area.  There is no way I could have missed all the signs, the TWO light poles (one in metal), the 2nd Sunday Baptist Church, the Oak tree, the 8 foot ditch.  No wonder the police and the lady said it was the weirdest thing ever.

8-I tell everyone BZ and I were one Yee-Haw away from playing the Dukes of Hazzard.

9-But, I know BZ and I have had a miracle.

10-If Reverend Roberts ever says that I need prayer…I am going to drop to my knees.