Speaking of AN, he had a mortal enemy he had earned in grade school. He constantly teased and harassed a girl. By the time they reached high school, he became the butt of many of her bon mots. Due to the fact that she was of Above-Average-Intelligence, we had to explain many of them to AN.
One summer they both applied to a volunteer health-care program I taught at a local hospital. I outlined the program to both of them carefully as follows: You will work together, you will eat together, you all wear the same scrubs, You will all come to the same class after the day and take notes. YOU WILL GET ALONG! Both agreed as they both wanted the opportunity.
First week, all went swimmingly. Second week, all was beginning to unravel. Third week, AN decided to spend all his days in the BHU (behavioral health unit) with the patients. He thought he could smoke and play cards. I was trying not to notice him. His mortal enemy (hereinafter referred to as HME) encouraged his behavior. One day he hugged one of the patients (I think at HME’s urging). HME then informed AN that the patient had scabies. AN was all “So?…He had shots.” Had to explain scabies.
Finally, we reach week four. No one is dead. Sniping has escalated. I am hoping I live through the exchanges. A knock comes on the door during class toward the end of the week. One of the directors wants to talk to me. (Thank God, it is not about those two) I hear AN announce “HEY, ya’ll know how girls can pull off a bra without taking off her shirt?” Yes, this was an attempt to gain cool points and humiliate HME. I think well… I am talking to the director, maybe I won’t see anything
I turned to hear HME pronounce “Well, AN, it’s shirt down and pants up” AN’s left arm was somewhere in the vicinity of his right ear. His right arm (against all odds) appeared to be dislocated and floating near his forehead. His pants were falling off, his undershirt appeared to be wrapping around him like bandages on a mummy. Again I was left trying to keep a straight face…while HME was chortling.
Which is why when an UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE thing happens my spouse always says “Ah, trapped in a scrub suit.”